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FEATURED POSTS

  • July 5, 2017

    My Brawling Days Are Done, or Are They?

    OLD AND TOUGH

    You get old, and you get mellow, and after a while, you start thinking like an old man, which is exactly who you are. You become a kinder person, you overlook people’s flaws, and you start mistaking that for wisdom. When you look back at your younger days, you begin to think what a jerk “that guy” was.

    So you move to a 55-years-old and up retirement community for “active seniors” and you settle in. Then one day, you and your wife go to breakfast at the Sandwedge, which is the cutesy name for the little coffee shop at the golf course. And while you are eating your bacon and eggs and drinking your coffee, you see an old guy with a dead snake, going over to a table where four old ladies are chatting among themselves. The old man interrupts their conversation, brandishes the snake, thrusting it toward them to give them a scare. They recoil and give him that pained smile that women get when they are pretending to be nice.

    “I hope he doesn’t come over here with that thing,” my wife Carmela says, and I assure her that he won’t. So we continue our conversation about this and that, and right in the middle of our talk, the old man comes over, interrupts us, and thrusts the snake – which turns out to be a realistic looking fake – in Carmela’s face.

    “Please don’t do that,” she says in a calm but curt tone. But he just laughs and does it again. And that’s when all my old man kindness and wisdom fly out the window.

    “Get the f*** away from us,” I tell him loudly. The problem is, I say it so loudly, that all the folks in the restaurant stop eating and stare at us, including the old man with the snake, who looks confused.

    “Get the f*** out of here,” I tell him again as I start to get up out of my seat, and at this point he flees out the door.

    It would seem like mission accomplished, but to tell you the truth, I immediately felt ashamed. I try very hard to be tolerant, but I scared an old man – no matter how obnoxious he may have been. I used bad language – I don’t talk like that anymore. And I made a scene and interrupted everybody’s breakfast by picking on a senior citizen.

    But when I got home, I looked in the mirror and once again rediscovered the awful truth. I’m a senior citizen too. The old man and I are probably about the same age. He didn’t have to run out the door. He could have stood his ground and told me to go f*** myself. Then we could have thrown some punches, maybe wrestled around on the floor, and gotten busted by the Sun Lakes security team.

    Who knows, after it was all over, the old man and I might have had a beer and ended up being friends.

    Stranger things have happened.

    George Lee Cunningham

    Do you have a dissenting opinion or any opinion at all on the subject? Contact me at george@georgeleecunningham.com and let me know. Meanwhile, you can always subscribe and get an email reminder of blog postings. Your name will not be shared and you may cancel at any time.

  • LYRICS, POETRY AND PROSE XV

    A place to share some words of beauty, inspiration, and fun. This week we have sad songs about love gone bad – told from the male perspective. These are the kind of songs you listen to again and again in a smoky, old, neon-lit tavern as you quietly get drunk off your butt and go home alone. Click on the name of the piece to get a video or more information.

    Why must you always seem to criticize me?
    I seems like everything I do just turns out wrong
    Why don’t you come on out and despise me
    So I could pack my bag and baby I’d be gone?

    Remember when you used to call me honey
    Well, I’d turn around and call you honey too
    You might think it’s a joke, but it ain’t funny
    To hurt someone who’s so in love with you

    The Other Side of Town Singer and Writer John Prine

    I won’t be around
    To hear you cry
    I’m Texas bound
    And by and by

    You can reach me down in Dallas
    A general delivery
    So if you want your freedom P.D.Q.
    Divorce me C.O.D.

    Divorce Me COD Singer Merle Travis, Writers Cliff Stone, Merle Travis

    Yes, the woman is a devil
    She will trick you if she can
    Yes, the woman is a devil
    She will trick you if she can
    She will tell you that she loves you
    An work out some other plan
    Got those alimony blues

    Alimony Blues Singer T-Bone Walker; Writer Freddie Simon

  • June 26, 2017

    LET’S CALL THEM: GENERATION SCREWED

    PLEASE TATTLE ON THE DRIVER — Zazzle.com

    One of the problems with getting old is that you begin to question your judgement about the new generation. They are different than we were, because – let’s face it – they live in a different world. They have different expectations, and again to be brutally honest – with some notable exceptions – they are not as prepared for life as previous generations.

    Let’s call them Generation Screwed.

    I don’t blame them. In fact, if there is anybody to blame it is probably my generation and the ones that followed. Not only did we not prepare the current generation to be adults, but we squandered their future. Since so many of us are living longer and retiring earlier, we are expecting them to take care of us while we loll around the golf course or vacation in Tahiti.

    In many ways we have stolen their future. We let the infrastructure decay, government benefits to grow to unsustainable levels, the school system – K through college – to dissolve into mush, and the culture to coarsen to the point that incivility has become the norm.

    We have convinced the upcoming generation of adults that they are special by giving them participation awards and certificates merely for existing. And companies – either in an effort to undo the damage or continue the silliness – have begun treating employees like children.

    We bought a quart of Hydrangea Blue at Home Depot, and the cashier asked if we would go on line and fill out a form saying she did an excellent job. We bought some paint, she rang us up and smiled, and we, the customer, are now supposed to complete a 12-page online form saying how good she was and telling her employer about our shopping experience. To sweeten the deal, Home Depot will hold a drawing of those who respond and award the winner a $5,000 Home Depot gift card. Of course, you will have to pay income tax on your winnings, so it’s really more like $3,500 worth of Home Depot stuff. I don’t think so.

    Number one, it’s a stupid idea thought up by a bunch of stupid middle managers who sat around a big table trying to justify their existence. Not many folks work on an assembly line anymore, where there’s a boss looking over their shoulders and exhorting them to work harder and faster. Now we have computers that do it, and as customers and members of the public, we are expected to help these computers to monitor company employees.

    So now we see truck drivers – hard-working men and women supporting their families by spending hours each day staring at the yellow line down the middle of the highway – with a sign on the back of their trucks exhorting the rest of us to tattle on them if we think they are not driving properly.

    It’s insulting and demeaning to a person doing his or her best to make a living.

    Think if we did that in our personal lives. You go out on a hot date, you end up going back to your apartment or maybe a hotel room, and doing what comes naturally. Then, the next morning, you ask if your partner would like to fill out an online endorsement that you could post on your Facebook page saying how great you were.

    Who knows, maybe you could even get a good Yelp review.

    George Lee Cunningham

    Do you have a dissenting opinion or any opinion at all on the subject? Contact me at george@georgeleecunningham.com and let me know. Meanwhile, you can always subscribe and get an email reminder of blog postings. Your name will not be shared and you may cancel at any time.

  • LYRICS, POETRY AND PROSE XIV

    A place to share some words of beauty, inspiration, and fun. This week we feature three songs about men behaving badly and bragging about it. And the women in their lives? They are lucky to have such fun-loving men as partners. Click on the name of the piece to get a video or more information.

    A long time forgotten
    Are dreams that just fell by the way
    And the good life he promised
    Ain’t what she’s living today
    But she never complains of
    The bad times or bad things he’s done, Lord
    She’s just talks about the good times
    They’ve had and all the good times to come
    She’s a good hearted woman
    In love with a good timin’ man
    She loves him in spite of his ways
    That she don’t understand
    Through teardrops and laughter
    They’ll pass though his world hand in hand
    A good hearted woman
    Lovin’ her good timin’ man

    A Good Hearted Woman Singers and writers: Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson

    Now don’t I let you wash the car on Sunday?
    Don’t I warn you when you’re gettin fat?
    Ain’t I a-gonna take you fishin’ with me someday?
    Well, a man can’t love a woman more than that.
    Ain’t I always nice to your kid sister?
    Don’t I take her driving every night?
    So, sit here at my feet ’cause I like you when you’re sweet,
    And you know it ain’t feminine to fight.

    Put Another Log on the Fire Singer Waylon Jennings, Writer Shel Silverstein

    I got an alimony payment that’s 6 weeks over due
    Got caught with a trunk load of bootleg out of state booze
    Hocked my wife’s diamond ring last June
    Bought me an outboard Evinrude
    But other than that, we ain’t nothing but good ol’ boys

    Just Good Ol’ Boys Singers: Moe Bandy and Joe Stampley; Writer: A. Fleetwood

  • June 21, 2017

    THE HENRY CHRONICLES

    MY PAL HENRY

    My dog Henry is not very big – 13 something pounds and a lot of that is fur. But Henry is my pal, and more than that we are related. He is a member of our family, he eats when we eat, he snoozes while we watch TV, and he sleeps at the foot of our bed. Some folks think we own Henry, and in a way we do. We own him in the same sense that families all own one another. We own Henry and Henry owns us.

    But Henry and I have a relationship quite apart from the one he has with my wife. Since we’re both male, I understand Henry in ways his mother never will.

    I know when he is bluffing, I know why he wants to pee on his doggie enemies’ lawns, and I love the little “you-want-a-piece-of-me” growl he does when he encounters one of them walking down the street.

    I was a little boy once. I know how it is. Human boys and dog boys have no social skills. Over time, human boys can learn them, dog boys never do.

    So Henry and I are pals, but our relationship goes much deeper than that. In many ways Henry is my guru and confidant, and I am his. He has enabled me to see the world in wondrous ways that I had never seriously considered before he joined the family. And I do my best to keep him out of trouble

    Henry obviously is not able to speak English, although sometimes I do believe he merely chooses not to do so. Communication with Henry tends to be through barks and growls, and little yips and stubborn poses that say, we’re not going anywhere until you respond appropriately. And over time, I have come to understand his wants, his needs, and his intent.

    Henry, for instance, thinks everything that moves is alive. Sometimes the world is almost motionless, but on a windy day, the entire neighborhood is brimming with energy. The trees sway back and forth, sometimes the leaves jump off and scurry down the street, even the grass and the tall plants get into the act.

    After a couple of years watching Henry react to the world coming alive, I began to see it differently as well. Butterflies and Japanese beetles and lizards that dart into the bushes as we walk by are all around us. The world is teeming with life and it’s impossible to spend quality time with Henry and not see it for myself.

    Cars also are alive for Henry and so are golf carts and bicycles. They are all friendly beasts of burden, who carry humans and often dogs and other animals from place to place. When another dog comes riding by, hanging its head out of the window, Henry barks at him, much as he would if the dog was walking down the street.

    It’s almost as though Henry doesn’t really understand that the dog is not driving the vehicle. In fact, he also is not clear on the concept when we are riding in our car, and he thinks it would be a splendid idea to sit on my lap so we could enjoy our ride together.

    One of the other great things about Henry is that he has no guile. He doesn’t know how to be polite. If he is sitting on my lap and somebody comes into the room that he would rather be with, he merely jumps off my lap and goes over to her.

    The result is that Henry is both a very honest and completely amoral little being. Hypocrisy is a foreign concept to him. There are some dogs he likes, and some dogs that he hates, merely based on how they look. He doesn’t like dogs whose hair hangs down over their eyes, he doesn’t like black dogs, he doesn’t like dogs who get near his mom, and he doesn’t like dogs who invade his space.

    He also hates cats, squirrels, rats, and crows.

    What he does like are other Yorkies, who look like him, but are usually a bit smaller. That may make him a doggie racist and politically off the map, but he doesn’t seem to care. As far as Henry is concerned, he is who he is with no apologies to anybody.

    The other thing that Henry likes are humans of all races, creeds, and sex. That’s probably because he has never met a human who was mean to him, who didn’t want to feed him, or cuddle him in their arms.

    And if I have anything to do with it, he never will.

    George Lee Cunningham

    Do you have a dissenting opinion or any opinion at all on the subject? Contact me at george@georgeleecunningham.com and let me know. Meanwhile, you can always subscribe and get an email reminder of blog postings. Your name will not be shared and you may cancel at any time.