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SPOILED ROTTEN ME

BEEF PATTIE, NOT HAMBURGER

Not to be crude, but words sometimes have a double meaning.

Take “a**hole,” for example. Sometimes it means the normal part of the anatomy deep between the cheeks of your fanny, and sometimes it describes an entire person.

I am sometimes guilty of having AND of being that rather crude word.

Case in point, my loving and hardworking wife told me we were going to just have hamburgers for dinner. My response was to get grumpy and sulky about how neglected I was.

When she finally questioned me about what was wrong, I complained that I didn’t want a sandwich for dinner. Why? Well, when I hold a sandwich in my hand, it’s hard to put it down without it falling apart, so I sit there, eating my sandwich with all the juice dripping down my arm, feeling sorry for myself while all the rest of my dinner gets cold.

Whah, whah, whah.

So, my wife, who’s much more mature than I am – even though she was in grammar school when I was dodging bullets in Vietnam – takes some offense. What’s really the problem, she asks.

BEEF PATTY PACKAGE

I think about it, and here is my answer.

“I don’t want you to call it a “hamburger.” I would prefer you call it a “beef patty.”

She just shakes her head and says, “maybe we’ll have some beef patties for dinner.”

“OK, fine,” I say, feeling like a complete fool and also like that pitiful person, who is what he also has between his butt cheeks.

 – GEORGE LEE CUNNINGHAM

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